Newborn Photoshoot

So...this post is a little out of order since his newborn photos were taken at 4 weeks old, but they are so darling I had to share! Taylor Jones, the sweetest girl from our ward is a photography student and offered to take some photos of this kid. It was her first time shooting a newborn, but she was an absolute pro!

Motherhood

It is crazy how quickly time goes by. My son is now 2 months old. Life has been a complete blur. This sweet little man has me completely smitten. I have never been so exhausted, overwhelmed and overjoyed all at the same time.

It is hard to put into words how it feels to be a new mom, but here goes. It is a crazy mixture of emotions. After carrying this life inside me for 9 months and then bringing him into this world, I have never felt more empowered as a woman.  Then on the flip side,  I am now responsible for this tiny, perfect little person and suddenly I feel completely inadequate about how to be his mother and how to care for him.  I don't know how to make sense of everything that I am feeling other than I am just feeling A LOT. Way too many feelings. As I am now fully recovered from giving birth and at the tail end of a gnarly case of thrush (and by gnarly, I mean 6 weeks of the most intense pain I have ever experienced. Nightmare.) I am finally starting to feel more stable. I can feed my kid without crying and my emotions are leveling out and I am really starting to be able to enjoy being a mom.

I am also becoming more confident in my ability to keep him alive and happy and knowing that really that is all that matters. After reading tons of books ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other, ultimately I have had to let go of trying to get my baby to fit some mold that I was feeling like he should fit into. I am a worrier by nature and when I would read something that spelled out how my baby should be eating, sleeping, etc and he wasn't following that,  I would feel stressed out. A good friend of mine told me that the first 3 months you are in the trenches and anything goes. You do what you need to in order to survive and try get enough sleep to function and not worry everything else. This helped me to adjust my thinking and use those books as resources to get ideas to help me, rather than stress me out. It also helps that now Little Phoenix is starting to smile and laugh and there is nothing more rewarding or reassuring than your child smiling at you and melting your heart.

 I mean are you kidding me with how cute this kid is? Already looking so grown up.

He's Here!

Phoenix Henry Wright
Born Feb 12 2013 @ 4:15pm
7lbs 4oz
21inches

Long story short, towards the end of my pregnancy my Dr. was getting concerned about my fluid levels. No matter what I did (ie. guzzling gallons of water everyday) my levels continued to drop more quickly than normal. This meant it had more to do with my placenta and My Dr. let me know she was concerned that I was not progressing (no dilation or effacement) but my placenta had started to calcify, so I may need to be induced. Because up to that point my body had not shown any real signs of being ready to go into labor I was really not comfortable with being induced, but also did not want to ignore the advice of my Dr. At my 39 week appointment on Friday, nothing had changed, so she recommended that I come in again on Monday. So that weekend I tried EVERYTHING to get my labor started on its own, but no luck.  The good news was that all my efforts over the weekend had done something,  I was dilated to a 1 and effaced 30%. To me this was encouraging that if I was induced that my body would be receptive. Mason and I had prayed to know what to do and what would be best for me and our little baby boy and when at my appointment on Monday the Dr. recommended that I be induced, we both felt it was the right thing to do. So I went home and got ready to head to the hospital that night.

We were admitted at 6pm and by 8pm those drugs kicked in and I was feeling those contractions. I knew that being induced would be make my labor more challenging, but I had no idea what I was in for. The contractions were extremely intense and extremely close together. By 4am we decided to opt for the epidural and I was grateful for the relief. I was able to sleep and when my Dr. came that morning I was dilated to a 3 and she broke my water. Throughout all of this both me and the baby are being monitored and later that morning when his little heart rate started to drop they had to insert fluids into my uterus to keep him stable. By that afternoon around 2pm I was a dilated to a 4 and getting impatient. Mason left to go get lunch and I was debating whether or not to get another boost in my epidural since I was starting to feel the contractions again. Around 3pm I got the strangest feeling of pressure, and I remember friends telling me what that pressure meant, but I was confused because I knew I was only a 4 one hour earlier. I paged the nurse and told her how I felt and she was very nice and said 'well, okay sweetie we'll just check and see'. Her reaction surprised us both 'oh! your'e a 10, it's baby time!'. Thank goodness, Mason walked into the room just then and he called our doula. The nurse said that we would do some practice pushed before she called my Dr. After a few pushes my doula showed up (no idea how she got there so quickly, but thank goodness) which was amazing since my epidural had completely worn off and I was struggling. It ended up that I was so grateful that the epidural had worn off, because I was able to feel my progress as I pushed and really hone in on what was happening in my body. After about an hour of pushing the nurse said I needed to slow it down because the Dr. wasn't there yet, but I have to say it was very unnatural to stop pushing. Thankfully the Dr. showed up just in time and after 3 pushes that boy was out! 

So grateful for Kendall, our doula who captured these first moments. 

It was the most insane feeling of relief and euphoria and disbelief. It was all such a blur but I got to hold him for over an hour before they took him to clean him up, weigh him, etc. which was all done in our birthing suite which was so nice. He never left my sight. He was 100% healthy and we could not have been more grateful. They were however concerned about my blood pressure. The nurse didn't tell me that my blood pressure was reading high at times but she let me know that around 6pm that she let my Dr. know and that they wanted me to be treated for preeclampsia. This would involve them running some intense sort of drug through my IV and while for the life of me, I can't remember the name of it, I remember that the side effects were nausea and lethargy AND I wouldn't be able to eat (which was a huge deal since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours). The nurse's shift change happened at 7, which was a blessing because by the time the night nurse came in around 7:30pm I felt strongly that I did not want the medication and that I felt like my body just needed a little more time to straighten out and that I just needed to relax and calm down and that I would be fine. Thankfully, my new nurse was willing to give me more time and give me a chance to see if my blood pressure to even out on its own. Mason went and got me some dinner, and I have to say it was the most delicious Big Mac I've ever tasted! Then he called a friend of ours to come to the hospital to assist him in giving me a priesthood blessing. After the blessing from Mason that night, my blood pressure stayed perfectly normal the entire night. I was so grateful that I was in tune with my body enough to know to wait and even more grateful that I was able to receive a  priesthood blessing for comfort and healing, so that I did not have to be unnecessarily medicated. 

After that, everything else went smoothly. Our little Phoenix took to breastfeeding like a champion and I was very relieved. We actually got a decent amount of sleep once I was disconnected from all the tubes, wires, and monitoring devices. We were able to go home on Thursday evening and I have to say it was a terrifying feeling being entrusted with this little person knowing that a nurse was not just a push button away. We are so beyond in love with this little man it is unreal. Our little Phoenix Henry.